"It may be that decisions which seem to change the character of the work will now have to be made. But if the principles which have grounded us from the beginning are held fast there will be no real change. The river may flow in a new channel but it will be the same river." ~ Amy Carmichel
I desire God's will for my life, even if this means leaving all that I know, and yet, so often I feel like He couldn't have chosen a girl with more excitement about the future with almost as much dread of change to match!
In all honesty, I think God just loves it when I am desperate for Him. He will use the heart in my throat and the pounding of my chest to keep me seeking, surrendering, trusting and loving. And those are my closest moments with Him. I feel my heart stirring, but with no clue as to why or to what's ahead. All I know is that Christ is always faithful, always good, and always my strength. Perhaps there will be nothing significantly changing any time soon. I don't know. But for now, I am thankful for the reminder that, when it's from God ... Change really can be okay! :) Alright, done rambling now :)
Here is the truth that many of us hesitate to really believe: if and when the time comes for us to be married, God will orchestrate the love story. But in the meantime, our focus is to be on serving Him and pouring our life out for Him, not on getting serious about getting married. The timing is up to Him, not us....Trusting God to orchestrate our love story doesn’t mean shunning men or avoiding friendships with the opposite sex. Certainly it is a great idea to pray for our future spouse and to be obedient to God’s voice as He guides our steps in the process of finding a spouse.But marriage is not what we are called to pursue. Rather, His Word tells us in no uncertain terms what we are called to pursue: “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace…” (2 Tim. 2:22 NASB). So, ditch online dating and Facebook flirting (real-life flirting too, for that matter). Don’t build your life around the pursuit of guys. Build your life around the pursuit of Jesus Christ. Find your fulfillment in Him and Him alone. If His plan for you is marriage, it should merely be an outflow of a much more important love story – your daily, intimate love relationship with the King of all kings. And if you are uncertain that He alone is enough to fulfill you at the deepest level, just take a look at these amazing promises from His Word: “O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup...” (Psalm 16:5). “Jehovah is my shepherd, I do not lack.” (Psalm 23:1 YLT). “For He satisfies the longing soul...” (Psalm 107:9). “…the fullness of Him who fills all in all” (Eph. 1:23).
"To me, it has been a source of great comfort and strength in the day of battle, just to remember that the secret of steadfastness, and indeed, of victory, is the recognition that "the Lord is at hand." " - Duncan Campbell
I must admit, I don't always battle gracefully. Often times, I battle anxiously like everything depends on me, instead of resting and trusting in God. "Be Thou my Vision" is most often my prayer.
Why is it that I can feel so close to my Savior and yet so easily forget WHO He is? It pains me to admit this, but I realize that in my humanness, I sometimes find that, I, the created, bring the Creator down to my level of ability. Just writing those words makes my heart almost sick.
How is it that I can trust Him for money and yet, doubt if He hears my prayers for healing? Oh Lord Jesus, please forgive me. The older I get, the more I realize how much I need Him. Knowing a lot about Him is not enough. My spirit craves intimacy. But intimacy means relationship.
Please, don't misunderstand me. I DO believe that I have a beautiful relationship with Christ, but, I also think I'm just scratching the surface! Which excites me :)
Lately, I have found myself battling with small doses of worry, doubt, melancholiness and discontentment. None of which I can fully understand why, but they have been real all the same. I keep going back to John 15:5 in my head:
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.
I think I'm learning what it means to "abide" in Jesus. To dwell with Him and remain steady.... Even with questions. I am thankful that He is not surprised by my questions. If I cannot go to Him, who can I go to? However, I am finding more and more that I don't need answers to my questions... I need Him. He IS the answer. He is teaching me to be okay with all the mystery which surrounds who He is. It's in letting go of what I think I need and letting Him simply be God. Like He needs my permission *insert sarcasm here*.
Ah, only as a Christian can there be such fulfillment in my weaknesses being revealed. Truly He is strong when I am weak. And at the same time my weakness is revealed, I am lifted high on wings like eagles. Only such a God can perform such mystery and beauty. He loves me where I am, but oh praise Him, His love also isn't letting me stay there.
At the same time I can be battling, my Lord surrounds me like a shield. I am His and He is mine.
The other day, after mentioning that I believe God's call on my life is to someday be a wife and mother, someone stated/asked me, "Ohh, so you're on the hunt for a man, huh?!". Haha! How do you answer that? I think I just chuckled and ended up saying something about believing that God's timing is best. And although I wish I had some more eloquent words to say at the time, I truly meant that statement. After all these years, I'm still not very good at explaining to people my reasons for not casually entering into a relationship with a man (versus with a purpose) and currently being a stay at home daughter. I can imagine that I have probably been misunderstood on countless occasions. But, I think that could be possibly said about anyone who is following what they believe to be God's calling on their life at the time. That's why we do it for God and not man. I just pray that no matter what people got from their conversations with me, that my words came across humbly. I am not on the hunt for a man, EVEN THOUGH I desire an earthly husband very much. I look forward to the day when I can hold his hand and look into his eyes with love and faithfulness. I am no different that any other woman. I desire to one day hold a darling baby in my arms and have a home of my own with a kitchen big enough to bake in all day ;) Though these things are on my heart and mind every day, I can't necessarily let them rule my life. Yes, everything I do in and out of my home is more than likely preparation for my future home and family, and I will continue to live as such unless God speaks otherwise. Of which, He could, and I must stand prepared for that too. You see, Christ is the One that ultimately satisfies the deepest needs and desires of my heart. He is the One I lean upon for fulfillment, strength and security. He knows my heart even better than I do – because He created me. He will never fail me. He will never disappoint me. And He will always be the most perfect Prince my feminine heart could ever desire. But, He is not merely a stand-in until my husband-to-be comes along. I know, beyond a shadow and a doubt, that my future husband will be a wonderful joy and fulfillment in my life. But, I also know my love story with him will never be able to compare to my love story with the King of all kings. Christ, simply put, is my true Prince, my ultimate Bridegroom, and my all in all.
I sincerely and humbly believe these years of singleness are a gift to be treasured. Leslie Ludy describes it well in one of her online devotionals:
Singleness is an incredible opportunity to be fully consecrated in body and spirit to Jesus Christ alone – to be undistracted by any other romance and free to be consumed with Him alone. (see 1 Cor. 7:34) This is not only an amazing opportunity for our single years, but it is the absolute best way we could ever prepare for marriage. When Jesus Christ is our all in all, we will never place unhealthy pressure upon our spouse to meet the needs only He can fill. And if our husband is ever taken from us, we will not lose our confidence, hope or security – because it’s in Jesus Christ.
I am on a journey. I long to surrender my time as a twenty-two year old single woman to my Lord. I long for all my hopes, dreams and plans to belong to Him because He is worthy of them. I must be willing to give it all up. He gave everything up for me, how could I not be willing to do likewise for Him? It's not easy, but it is a joy and a privilege. I want you to realize though, that I am not expecting God to take away these desires. I just know that if the are not in His will for my life, and all these years of preparation are for something else only known to Him, that He has my heart and I believe He will give me the grace to give them up and step out to do what He has planned for me :)
Blessings!
In Him,
Megan
P.S. As an answer to those who have asked a certain question of me many times - I promise, I really do meet, hang out with (in a group setting), and have friends that are guys! I just try my best to not look at every young man as a potential husband. The Lord will reveal him, once again, in His perfect timing :)
