Thursday, June 16, 2011

Returning to my First Love

While being sick for the last four days with what we thought was Mono, but I think ended up being a semi-small dose of the flu, I was finding it hard to get close to Jesus. I simply did not feel like praying or reading my Bible. I was so sore and achey that I felt like I could never get into a position to read for any length of time. Something funny happened though. For some reason, I always seemed to be able to get on the computer with practically no trouble at all! Facebook found it's self under my attention for great lengths of time, as did recipe blog after recipe blog. Yes, the tv got much of my attention as well.

But I was sick! All I could do was lay down. Isn't that the way I was supposed to spend my time? After all, it isn't everyday that I have four days all to myself!  

Maybe...But, I wish someone would have warned me of how empty and unfulfilling I was going to feel at the end of it all.  Giving into my time of literal weakness, turned into a time of spiritual weakness as well.

Yesterday, my soul felt similar to the thunderstorms we got.  Like the thunder, lightening and wind, I could feel a stirring in my heart to return to my First Love. Throughout the day it got stronger and stronger until, like the the clouds, I could no longer keep it in. I had to let loose.

  I realized that living a life of mediocrity and lukewarmness, no matter how small it may have seemed at the time, is not an option for me. The pain in my body was no match for the pain of loneliness I felt for my Savior.
I still felt unwell, but when I realized what was happening, I chose to quickly open my Bible and started to read. I didn't care what I read, just as long as I got a taste of what it had inside it's pages.  And I prayed. Oh how wonderful it was to draw near to my Savior.  Does that mean that I didn't get on Facebook yesterday? No, I did. And I had some wonderful conversations with my friends on it! But there is a time and place for everything. Quiet time with Jesus should always be priority on my list for each and every day.

When I woke up to bright sunshine filling my room,  my soul was filled with a deep joy like no other.  These last few, kind of miserable days, were a wonderful reminder that the Lord truly can turn bad things into good and use them for His glory.

And guess what! I am feeling almost 100% better already! Praise God!


  1. I am sorry you were sick! Thank you for this reminder though. I have kinda done the same thing. It is a horrible feeling, especially when you can hear Him saying, "Come away, my Beloved."
    I think I shall go read my Bible now and spend sometime with my First Love!
    I love you and cannot wait to see you!

  2. Hey Megan~
    Great post! I am so glad that you are feeling better-- it was great to see you at church today!