Just being honest here :)
I was sitting on my bed the other day, pondering my current situation and desire, and bringing it before the Lord in prayer, when suddenly I felt His presence.
I have been asking Him lately what more I can do to bring Him glory in my daily life, and now I knew He wanted to speak to me. He was like a still, small voice deep inside me.
At first I felt conviction. He asked how He could trust me with the big things, when I still struggle with the little things?
I knew there were probably some better decisions I could have been making with the money He has already given to me, and right then and there I decided to reevaluate my spending decisions and see if I could be using HIS money more wisely. But there were more little things other than my finances. "What do you enjoy most and how can you use it to be a blessing to others?".... Oh Lord, I don't really know how to do much. The only hobby I have and love is baking and -.......BAKING!
"Use this to be a blessing to others." ...Yes, Lord, I will.
I can't really explain to you how much that moment meant to me. I no longer feel discouraged about my finances, because I believe God will lead and guide me in that situation! And I know baking doesn't sound very spiritual, but it is so exciting for me to realize that God truly cares about me and He enjoys seeing the gifts He has put into me be used to glorify Him. That moment has continued to play in my mind these last few day as I continue to seek His will for my life. Right now, it seems like I'm to be learning how to live generously. To generously and freely give of myself, whether that be watching someone else's children or baking a loaf of banana bread (with chocolate chips! There is no other kind ;)
I am also feeling more aware of how many simple things can mean a lot to someone. Along with the baking, I think of other little ways I can show love to the people I know, such as an unexpected card in the mail, a text message or a phone call. These things are available to me daily and I do take advantage of them sometimes, but, how many other times have I shrunken away from them because, for example, I don't really like to talk on the phone? I am realizing that I have, at times, been walking in a form of selfishness. I now want do these things, not just because they are good to do, but because my heart is the Lord's and I love Him. The more I seek Him, the more of His heart he shows to me. That fact is so fascinating to me.
The more I seek Him, the more I find Him.
What a humbling thing. I am thankful.